JuJuBee: (Not on the) Green With Envy

Friday, June 17, 2005

(Not on the) Green With Envy

My dear husband is playing golf today. Enjoying the gorgeous sunshine, with adults. I've no comprehension of what it is like to spend hours with adults having fun without children. I've made him suffer enough, dropping subtle hints of, "NO FAIR!" and "BULLSHIT!"...but he went anyway. Nevermind that (for now) this post is not about what irks me about my husband (how dare he have FUN without me?!) but rather what makes him the man I fell in love with and who stole my son's heart as well as mine.

He's always been unsure and a bit nervous about being a dad. Not in a way that you would ever notice, as he seems as comfortable with his kids as he does sleeping in our new soft as clouds recliner. He is unsure in a way that causes him to ask himself if he is doing a good job. Unsure in a way that makes you realize that, maybe that is what makes a good dad after all. A father who is constantly wondering if he is doing the best for his children. A father who agonizes over each interaction hoping that his child is getting the most from it. He sincerely wants what is best for them at all times.

I remember when we first started dating and we were at the mall doing some Christmas shopping with LittleJuJu, he was not yet 2 years old. It was one of our first outings as a "threesome" and can I just say that I have never seen someone carry a child as proudly as my husband was carrying my son? He radiated pride just by holding that child. I knew he would be fine with the new role he was accepting. I told him that if he ever felt overwhelmed, I would understand. He could run at any time...I knew it was hard. He never ran. I know now that he would never run.

Now I see him with our daughter. He stares at her and wonders aloud at her beauty. He came to find his own way of settling her when she is upset and you would think that he held the secret formula for cold fusion in his hands...he did it! He got it! He is a daddy who knows what to do! I'm so proud of him and so proud to call him my husband, but even more proud to call him the father of my children.

Happy (early) Father's Day, Sweetie...you enjoy your day on the course (and the one next week...CHRIST, is that all you do?!) you deserve it.
• Posted by JuJubee @ 6/17/2005 07:39:00 AM
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